Get Ready to be Awe Struck...

Artist Abu Nawaf, pictured below, is amazing. Plain and simple.

Eddie Izzard!!!!!!!!!!

The amazing Eddie Izzard will be on Craig Ferguson tonight.

Plan for me being VERY tired tomorrow morning, as I will be staying up for this.

He. Is. Incredible.

Kissing... who knew?

Kissing. It seems so strange that something so easy can be difficult... and awkward... for some people.

We've all been there... the anticipation that comes with walking your date to the door at the close of the evening. Uncomfortable chit-chat ensues - let's play mad-libs:

"I had a really nice time with you, (Proper Noun)."

"Yeah, (Proper Noun). You sure are the bee's knees!"

Giggle. "Thanks for dinner. I love (ethnicity) food."

"Plenty of left-overs!"

***Uncomfortable laughter followed by even more uncomfortable silence***

"Ok, well, I better get going. I have a long day of (hobby with "ing") ahead of me."

"I understand... Yeah... well... goodnight."

And then it happens. Does he lean in? Does she shy away? Oh! What will happen? The anticipation is killing me!

They embrace.

Their lips lock, tenderly.

And then he proceeds to EAT HER FACE OFF!!!!!

A little advice for the guys out there; if your date has to wipe the saliva from her chin when the kiss is over, you did it wrong.

This morning's show covered the topic of kissing, as Rick had found a survey from Match.com that polled it's subscribers about whether or not you should kiss on the first date. The survey found that 85% agree there shouldn't be any kissing on the first date.

I am in the minority on this one. I think the first kiss is extremely important. For me, it can make or break the date, and determine whether or not there will be another. There is even scientific (SCIENCE!!!) data to back that up!

According to an article from CNN.com (by Jocelyn Voo - gotta give props!), a study was published in the scientific journal "Evolutionary Psychology," that found 59% of men and 66% of women said they've been in the position of being attracted to someone until they kissed the person. "'At the moment of the kiss, there's a complicated exchange of information... that may tap into underlying evolved mechanisms," cluing us in on whether we're genetically compatible, explains Gordon Gallup, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany. "A kiss can be a deal-breaker in terms of whether a relationship will flower or flounder, so to speak.'"

In the article, Gallup continues (with my comments in parentheses):

• For men, kissing is more often used as a means to an end - namely, to gain sexual access. (Don't act suprised by this...) Men also are more likely to literally kiss and make up, using kissing to attempt reconciliation. (Huh, really? Never noticed!)
• Women, on the other hand, use kissing as a mate-assessment technique. They subconsciously evaluate mating potential from the chemicals in their partner's saliva and breath. (I had no idea it was that involved... I thought it was more a preference on technique.)
• Women also use kissing as a bonding gesture, as well as to monitor the status of a relationship. If her partner's kissing frequency or technique changes, that perhaps is a sign of waning interest.
• Men show a greater preference for tongue contact and open-mouth kisses.
• Men are more willing than women to have sex with someone without kissing, as well as to have sex with someone the are not attracted to or consider to be a bad kisser. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha.... hahahahahahahahahahaha! I'm going to file this away in the "obvious" file.)
• Women place more importance on kissing throughout the relationship, whereas men place less importance on it as the relationship progresses.

"Ah HAH!" I say, with a finger raised towards the heavens. There is a reason why I think, "Holy crap, I hope this guy doesn't call me EVER again." I THINK that, I don't SAY that. I'm far more cordial.

From dead fish kisses to attempts at vacuuming the soul out through the mouth, bad kisses will lead to disappointment. Never fear, though, Bad Kissers! There is help.

William Cane (pen name) wrote a book called, "The Art of Kissing," with detailed descriptions of how to improve your technique... AND... there are plenty of how-to books and DVDs on the market. So there is no excuse! To quote School House Rocky, "Knowledge is Power!"

Final summation:

Kissing is a way of searching for or establishing a deeper compatibility. Yes the date went well, and yes you have so much in common, but the kiss will seal the deal and let you know whether a relationship will work out... and wouldn't you like to find that out sooner than later? Regardless of society's ideas of purity and morals (you shouldn't kiss on the first date... and you better not reveal your ankles in public), if the feeling moves you to kiss on the first date, great! You'll find out whether there might be a second date without having to pay for dinner again.

Help for Haiti

Some people (***cough***PatRobertsonRushLimbaugh***choke***) should just keep their mouths shut. It's time for compassion, not superstition. Time for aid, not political agenda. My thoughts are with all in Haiti.

Charities are popping up everywhere to help with the relief effort, though there are a lot of scams under the guies of aid. Be very careful when donating so that you know your donation will be used as intended.

That having been stated, Wyclef Jean has a very easy way of sending financial support. If you text the word "YELE" to the number 501501, $5 will automatically be donated to relief efforts in Haiti, and the charge will appear on your next phone bill.

A rose by any other name...

When I go back home and meet new people, no one has any idea that I'm on a morning radio show. Eventually conversation will flow to "So what do you do?" followed by the question, "So what name do you use on the air?"

Mine. I use my name.

It may not catch your ear like "Johnny Road-Rash" (yes, it's hyphenated since his mom remarried) but it works. Because it's mine.

This morning, our meteorologist revealed that his middle name is Foster. True story. Instead of going by "Foster Smith," which is far more memorable (and cool!... I mean "Foster" wears a smoking jacket, drinks fine scotch and winks a lot), he chose to go with Jeff Smith. Kudos. This new found information sparked a conversation about on-air DJ names. Rick used to work with a part-timer who went by "Axel Hammond" - yes, Guns N Roses meets Metallica. I joked about being called "Clarissa Dynamite" from now on.

Now, everyone has heard how to find your "porn" name. I believe it's the name of your first pet and the first street you lived on... ie; "Goldie Elm" or "Heidi Spring." Mine isn't that cool. "Smokey Rural Route 12"... doesn't seem to have a ring.

So I'm going to start a new game: How to find the name of your on-air persona. The first name is the name a character you remember on tv from your childhood, and a synonym for danger, destruction, or sexy.

Introducing, for the first time on radio, my new radio persona... "Punky Bane."