What do murder, pedophilia, suicide, and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads! These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while peddling everyday products. Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!
15. White Bread Demon
Facebook says: "Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"
Stefani says: "Seriously! I think I saw this movie. It turns out they were CHUDS."
Facebook says: "Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"
Stefani says: "Seriously! I think I saw this movie. It turns out they were CHUDS."
14. French Suicide Sausage
Facebook says: "It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever."
Stefani says: "This is one of the most terrifying images I've ever seen and now it's burned in my brain forever."
13. A Girl Around The House
Facebook says: "It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!"
Stefani says: "This passed for good advertising back then? An NO ONE was offended? Coo Coo Cachoo, Mrs. Robinson, keep sucking down the Mother's Little Helper."
Facebook says: "It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!"
Stefani says: "This passed for good advertising back then? An NO ONE was offended? Coo Coo Cachoo, Mrs. Robinson, keep sucking down the Mother's Little Helper."
12. ChubbyFacebooks says: "Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby."
Stefani says: "Wow... if she's the representation of 'chubby,' I need to take up the habit of bulemia and eating cotton balls."
..."Free for Chubbies"... I could go on and on and ON about how inappropriate that is.
11. Christmas Weapons
Facebook says: "The family that guns together, has funs together."
Stefani says: "Charlie Manson's Christmas card never looked more cheery! So glad they are not my neighbors."
Facebook says: "The family that guns together, has funs together."
Stefani says: "Charlie Manson's Christmas card never looked more cheery! So glad they are not my neighbors."
10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger
Facebook says: "Sexy?"
Stefani says: "Reality TV has reached another devastating low... meet the new 'Bachelor'."
9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
Facebook says: "She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?"
Stefani says: "Again! What was TOTALLY acceptable as DECENT advertising back then is ABHORENT now. I haven't the words..."
8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Facebook says: "Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable."
Stefani says: "I didn't know "The Village of the Damned" had a candy bar..."
Facebook says: "Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable."
Stefani says: "I didn't know "The Village of the Damned" had a candy bar..."
7. Root Beer Baby!
Facebook says: "Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying."
Stefani says: "Root Beer is gross. Period."
6. Locked Out
Facebook says: "You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door."
Stefani says: "Douching with LYSOL? Are you out of your MIND? I suppose if your gross wife gets smote with her period she has to live in the shed for a week, too?"
5. Pears Soap Disaster
Facebook says: "Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"
Stefani says: "Well, Timmy, you had a little brother once... we don't like to talk about it."
WHAT A TERRIFYING ADVERTISEMENT!!!!!
4. Postage Meter Murder
Facebook says: "Is it always illegal to kill a woman? This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter."
Stefani says: "Ok, so it's true; a woman's vigana makes her overpay on postage. If you must stone her to death (only in the interest of better mail rates) we will all benefit."
3. Shave Yourself
Facebook says: "The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!"
Stefani says: "Ladies, have you ever wanted to get wasted in the afternoon and not have to worry that your one-year-old has gotten in to Daddy's shaving kit? We hear ya!"
2. Baby Soft
Facebook says: "JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf."
Stefani says: "I don't think it's such a great idea to take a twelve-year-old girl to Glamour Shots and put 'innocense is sexier than you thank' in the advertisement! You may as well say, 'she makes Junior High look good!'"
1. Chocolate Poulain
Facebook says: "Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep."
Stefani says: "That's not cocoa... THAT'S NOT COCOA!!! Did you ever read Edgar Allen Poe's 'Cask of Amontillado...'"
Facebook says: "Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep."
Stefani says: "That's not cocoa... THAT'S NOT COCOA!!! Did you ever read Edgar Allen Poe's 'Cask of Amontillado...'"
